Clearly written at a time where I was feeling pretty positive (I imagine a few days after another blow out)
Now
i'm really wanting to move my life on but i'm still having a little
wobble here and there but one thing I don't do is beat myself up with
all of this and try and use it as a lesson learned. Thankfully I have
not been in any terrible states nor has it made me ill or to avoid going
to work.
What is
puzzling me is I get the whole AA thing without any problem but how do I
stop these one off events that threaten to try and derail me. Part of
me knows I am one step away from full sobriety but it's just getting to
that point and working out what it is that is stopping me.
I
am admitting of my problem but one thing I overheard recently was that
there is a huge gulf between admitting and accepting so maybe that is an
area that I need to do some work on. I know I can not change the
surroundings where I am at my weakest which is usually when I am on my
own at home and my partner is at work, it would involve being baby sat
24/7 although the danger then is would I change my environment when the
drink comes calling? And above all else why should I change my life just
because of this without any cast iron guarantees for my future.
So
i'm doing a lot of soul searching and inward looking but I know that
with enough belief and determination then the answers will come in time.
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