Old Post 8

Originally written for New Year 2011 when I went to a party and was very proud that I came home and didn't drink.

I thought last night was going to be one of the hardest evenings so far, the sound of champagne corks popping and people spilling out into the street with joyous choruses of Auld Lang Syne ringing in my ears. Every new year has always been the night when everyone overdoes it and my behaviour seems strangely normal, I could start drinking quite early, carry it on in the pub or at a party, keep it going into the early hours and no one batted an eye lid. The only difference was when everyone else was still asleep until lunchtime, I was up early having a few sneaky drinks in the kitchen and if challenged about why I was still acting inebriated, I could just claim I was still drunk from the previous night as no one would ever seem to remember.

New Years Day was always lost under a tide of hangovers, junk food and trying to sleep it all off. If this is what normal people did all year and then just over did it over new year then great, my only issue was my party was carrying on for the next 364 days, at least in my head.

This year I chose not to drink. I had in previous years not wanted to but when it came down to it, instead of opting for sparkling water I set my sights on a bottle of single malt instead. This year I tried a sober new year for the first time since I was 14.

During the daytime I was torn as to whether to attend a party that myself and my wife had been invited to, my concern was in the face of temptation would I succumb. Maybe I would bide my time until others were drunk enough not to realise I was sneaking some vodka in with my coke.

My way of coping was to not avoid this social event but to still go but keep myself an option for leaving. This is what I did at around 11.00pm knowing that on my way home no Bargain Booze or corner shop would still be open. It was also the point at which I stopped enjoying it all and knew that there and then I had to leave.

My next concern was going so I made a polite point to my wife that I was going and to one or two others. I'm guessing here that by announcing it to more that it may have been accompanied by a chorus of just stay, at least until midnight. Maybe that is my negative thinking creeping in but it was not a risk I wanted to take.

What worked for me last night is knowing I hadn't let sobriety put me on a path to reclusiveness yet I hadn't allowed the alcoholism to win either. When I got home I entertained myself watching TV programmes from my sky+ and going to bed around 1.00am listening to some music and just allowing myself to feel happy that an event I thought would present many challenges I managed to handle.

I never get complacent over alcoholism and when I manage to not let it win but last night I allowed myself to look myself and the mirror and just say to myself well done. If that isn't starting 2012 off in the best possible way then I really do not know what is.