It was back again tonight with a vengeance, knowing I'm home alone tomorrow as soon as I step foot inside a shop the whisperings begin of just go buy some, no one will ever need to know. Now I know for many this is a hard thing to get past, it was with me as it felt like I couldn't stop myself but now I just disregard those feelings and if you still have this ability to do this then try it, go home and see how it leaves you feeling. By the worst part of my drinking I couldn't do this but there was a time when I could and just didn't but my advice to anyone is walk away from it all if you still can as there may come a day when that choice is no longer yours.
Walk away while you still can!
I'm still here and still sober but it does go to show that this little demon never dies or sleeps, it just snoozes and the slightest sniff of temptation and opportunity then it wakens up again. The worst thing I can do is give it what it wants as it has no power until I give it alcohol which in turn gives it some of its power back again. Keep feeding it, even in small sensible quantities and I will be back on my arse again.
Today I feel lovely and to just walk away from that scenario lifts me up and just restores in me a lot of self confidence and respect. I never want to throw away where I have got to and I never want to go back to those days of lying, deceit, feeling ill, guilty and hating myself. Today I do not feel that way and that is just so magical.
Harry says "Put It Down!"
I was also thinking if you waved serious money at me at the cost of my sobriety then I would tell you to keep your money. All that would happen is I would be wealthy briefly only to lose everything around me and the money would just speed up how quickly I die. Why oh why would I ever want to do that again.
You too can become like me
I'm learning so much in recovery, the stopping drinking is just a part of it but discovering me and what makes me tick and the person that I am is a great journey.
Thanks and good night.
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