Something I was reading and commenting on last night inspired me to write this so if you are struggling to beat the drink then maybe you might find some comfort after reading this. I always used to believe life without a drink wouldn't be any fun, how could I possible go into a pub and order a soft drink, what would people think, it wasn't a man thing to do, all these nonsensical thoughts ran through my head and yet I never stopped to ask myself why was I even thinking this way at all.
It would extend into believing that the only way to relax after work was with a bottle of wine, I couldn't go out unless I'd had a couple of drinks first, Christmas and family gatherings could only be enjoyed after a few beverages and all the while drinking was chipping away at my way of thinking.
My arse!
So when it came to cutting down, what alcohol had done to me was made me think that I would not be able to do it as it had built associations between events and needing to drink. How could I go in a pub and not have a pint meant that my association with a pub was it was a place where I had to drink. How could I just come home after a shitty day in work and find I could relax with a cup of tea, relaxation was only found in a bottle of Merlot or Zinfandel.
When you accept that drink has changed how you think and it's drink that is making you think that way then it's time to challenge it. Breaking the link between what drink thinks and what you think was essential for me and has played a large part in my recovery. It's risky but it has helped me.
What I found happening was that drink made me feel like I couldn't have any fun sober when in all honesty nothing could be further from the truth. However it doesn't want you to feel that way as when you do it loses its grip, its control and its power over you. When I accepted people liked me for who I was and not what I could be after having a few or what I pretended to be (or thought that I needed to be) life became so much better. It also made me toughen up as instead of me trying to mould myself around what I thought people thought I should be or what society saw as cool, now I'm just me, like it or not. And if not, then so what, one thing I don't ever need to do is start changing myself. I am who I am and I don't need to change that for anyone but myself.
Not any more!
It has been a fascinating revelation and has opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking. Drink eroded by self esteem, my self belief and my ability to love myself and made me think that the only thing I had left was the comfort of a bottle. I see it now as a friend I should never have had, that lied to me, conned me, tried to change me and did everything possible to have a negative effect on my life. If a person behaved like that around you, would you still want them around?
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